We, the 'Amm-public' | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, September 08, 2017 / LAST MODIFIED: 03:01 PM, September 08, 2017

SATIRE

We, the 'Amm-public'

I am a Janagon—an Amm-public. If you still don't get it, then let me spell it out for you, because I know you are an Amm-public too—the ever-so-celebrated mango people. I hope you now realise who I am as well as who you are.

Yes, we are the most empowered people of the country. Without us nothing happens. Not even a flame starts. Not even a car rolls into the street. Not even a power plant rolls out. Not even a drop of water flows into the river. Yes, we are that powerful; if you still don't realise it, then look around you.

I know an Amm-public has the memory of a goldfish. Well, it does not matter as a goldfish actually has a memory much longer than the mythical three seconds. My memories and yours, however, do not challenge the three-second myth.

So let's flex the grey and mostly black matters encased inside the black holes of our thick skulls. Not long ago, our beloved political leaders felt that the voting rights of the Amm-janata were being snatched away by another party. They took it as their sacred mission to protect and bring back the political rights of the Janagon.

So countrywide violence was instigated. Buses and trucks were burned with petrol bombs. Yes, some of us Amm-janata were burnt and killed. But surely that was a small sacrifice compared to the crusade to uphold the Janagon.

Then the other party stood up to protect us. They took it upon themselves to protect the voting rights of the Amm-janata. Nobody has the right to snatch their right to go to the voting booths. When the Janagon wants voting, who can stop them? And political parties should help out the people—they should work to lessen their hardship. And any fool knows how difficult it is for anyone to commute from one place to another, from home to voting centres. So for the sake of the Janata, votes can be held without voters.

The governments are especially sensitive to the sufferings that the Janagon have to undergo every day. So they want to make sure electricity reaches them, that roads and bridges are built, and so on and so forth. 

Only in their zeal to serve do they sometimes forget which thing to do first. So instead of power plants, first they set up poles. Well, electricity will come one day, won't it?

For the 'upliftment' of us, the Amm-public, our governments do not leave any stone unturned to set up power plants. In busy industrial hubs and in pristine deep forests. It is another story entirely whether the plant in the industrial hub ever gets any gas or if the plant in the forest ruins the ecosystem. Then again, for the unnoyon of the Janagon, what do a few forests matter?

To protect the Amm-public, bridges are built. The planners can be forgiven to overlook the fact that there are no link roads to use the structure. Mile after mile of road networks are laid out. Only the thankless Amm-janata try to find fault in the potholes.

And now the Amm-janata come to the limelight again, proving their mighty nature, when the debate on 'we the people' in the constitution is raised. Just think about it, a whole constitution is dedicated to them. And yet they are not happy.

These Amm-public are the most difficult breed to handle. The most unyielding kind to satisfy. The most ungrateful species.

When the politicians call hartals to establish the rights of the Amm-janata, they don't like it. As the saying goes, even an insane person knows what is best for him. Not the Amm-public. They would start grumbling that hartals are eating up their livelihood. What is livelihood without rights? Damn fools.

So, these Amm-janata are not only the most powerful group—they are also the craziest. And so it serves them right when governments tighten the screw on them and turn them into mango squash. Ah, squash. That nice cool drink!


Inam Ahmed is Deputy Editor at The Daily Star.

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