1. THE 'NO ONE CARES'/ EYE ROLL BUTTON
Your neighbor has smashed the leg day, arm day and every other part of their body and ensures there is a post about it every five minutes. Your arch enemy has broken up for the fifteenth time, oh and did I mention with the same guy? All of these conduct call for this particular reaction. Surely, this button would instigate a lot of bitterness and drama, but hey that's life.
2. THE 'TRIGGERED' BUTTON!
The toothpaste commercials have got it all wrong-sensitivity in your teeth is the last thing to worry about (ahem). I'm breaking a sweat even writing about this.
People these days are as easily offended as my mother is with my grade sheet. This reaction carries the exact opposite interpretation in contrast to the 'no one cares' button. Here, caring is done to an unhealthy danger alert going off extent. The content maybe as trivial as meninism or as serious as demeaning pizza.
Whatever the case, a heads-up about someone getting downright insulted with your post would be convenient. This is where the trigger button would come in. It would prepare you beforehand to become the better keyboard warrior.
Did I just say keyboard warrior and not a real warrior? (Please don't kill me.)
3. THE 'VAIYA/APPY NYC LAGCA' BUTTON
The mother of all compliments, this reaction is the finest and the ultimate crème de la crème that is sure to bring the person reacting under a new light. Mainly to be used on single pictures, it should be done with careful calculation as pressing on this button is a low-key means of asking him/her out.
This could be the virtual verbal love potion of our generation.
4. THE 'I'M CRINGING TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN' BUTTON
Face it: this button will be one hell of an overused button. From the moment we are up to the second we call it a day, our life is only an intermittent collection of newsfeed scrolling and involuntary cringing, occasionally resulting in violent muscle spasms. Why should the ones inflicting this daily dose of horror upon us be unaware of our suffering and sleep peacefully every night whereas we lay awake, haunted by the memories of the terribly whiny tales.
5. THE 'SMILING' BUTTON
What's life except for spreading indirect hostility and avoiding confrontations? Who does that on 2017? No! On the present day, we smile, passive aggressively. The smiling reaction with dead eyes and the coldest smile slapped across its unnerving yellow face would serve that purpose. Want to make your better half feel guilty for posting pictures of a hangout without you? Just react with the smiling face and watch them whimper with apology and that too without uttering a single word.
6. THE 'GRABBING A POPCORN' BUTTON
There have been so many times I have spent my afternoons going through comment wars and munching on popcorn. Being a silent audience and chanting, 'Fight! Fight! Fight!' in your mind has its own kind of adrenaline rush. However, a button which would let the virtual fighters know that they have spectators would spice things up even more.
For someone like me who does not carry the nerve to laugh at people or cringe in person, I relish all the means of doing so virtually.
Iqra suffers from wanderlust, dreams of discovering the Loch Ness Monster and occasionally complains about Economics. Tell her to get a life at firstname.lastname@example.org or www.facebook.com/iqra.l.qamari