Now that I'm on the cusp of adulthood, I feel like I'm ready to share the wisdom that has shaped me.
1. When you're planning to pull an all-nighter, the entire day it feels like you have a lot of time on your hands and so you keep procrastinating and putting off work until it's midnight. One of the two things happens at this point. You either realise you're too tired and decide you can finish the work tomorrow or you keep on continuing the initial self-destructive behaviour. Just finish the damn work!
2. While we're on the topic, this entire idea of pulling all-nighters sounds very tempting to a lot of us. The calm and quiet of the night seems like the perfect time to catch up on all those new TV shows and movies. But don't do it! The 4:00 a.m. bedtime soon turns into 6:00 a.m. and then before you know it you're going to sleep at 8:00 a.m. and waking up at 5:00 p.m.
3. Life is hard but A2 chemistry is harder.
4. You haven't lived life fully if a bird has never pooped on you. As the smell slowly hits your nose and you go through the 5 stages of grief in the next 5 seconds, it makes you appreciate life more.
5. When your friend tells you that it's completely okay and understandable that you're unable to meet them on their birthday, what they actually mean is “I will forever secretly resent you if you fail to make me feel special on my special day”.
6. If you're a university student, taking all 8 a.m. classes or all morning classes may sound like a good idea at first. You can have the entire day to yourself, right? WRONG! You will just spend the entire day sleeping due to lack of sleep at night. You could try going to bed early and still getting that much needed 10 hour sleep. You could try but who are we kidding? It's not going to happen.
7. Fairness cream ads lie, in case you already didn't know.
8. Life is like a box of chocolates. I've recently discovered that I'm not a big fan of chocolates.
9. If you keep journals, be sure to throw it into deep, fiery pits of hell after you are over your 7th grade emo phase. Otherwise, your sibling WILL read about the time you started lizzing (laughing + whizzing) after your crush told a joke.
10. Parents can be very hard to please. They disapprove of you talking to someone of the opposite gender all your life. But when you express your wish of spending your whole life with someone of the same gender just to make them happy, they lash out for some reason and kick you out of the house. You just can't seem to win.
11. Don't be with someone who is in love with the shape of you. Find someone who is in love with the shape of your mind/brain/skull. (Excuse the cheesiness.)
12. If you're ever stuck in a rut, ask yourself, “What would I do if I wasn't a piece of turd?”
13. No matter what your significant other says, don't do long distance relationships. Your partner will most certainly get overwhelmed by all the bideshi manush and forget about you. As Liz Lemon once said, “Long distance is the wrong distance”.
14. If you're still stuck in the rut, ask yourself, “What would Liz Lemon do?”
15. If you want to win an argument, start crying. This is easier than having to state valid points.
16. Your parents can still hear you crying through the blasting music.
17. Any verbal dispute can be won with the counter-argument “So is your face”. For example,
Person A: Everybody hates you.
Person B: So is your face.
18. Don't do friends with benefits. You guys are no Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. Let your friend pay for their own health insurance.
19. Don't pulverize a good boy-girl friendship with the most tainted of all human emotions – love.
20. Leave all your work for the last minute. For example, if you work for a magazine, wait for the very last minute till the article is due and then start to write it. After all, diamonds are made under pressure.
Tasnim Odrika is having an existential crisis at the moment and doesn't really know who she is anymore. Send her compliments at email@example.com.